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| It's been a long time, I'll give you that.
I've been riding the rails. I'm actually not sure where exactly I am, but I believe I'm somewhere in western Oregon, considering every sign is in Portuguese and there I am currently sitting in a car full of rolled oats. And as I'm sure you all know, it's very difficult to find a computer on a train. In fact, I'm not completely certain that what I'm typing on now is indeed a computer itself. Other than my keen railway adventure, I haven't really had time for much else. Of course, I do have hobbies. I've started collecting hats. I'm currently wearing a very festive beret. Rumples is wearing a sombrero even though I told him not to- ordinarily, I would have no problem sharing my headwear with my dog, but as we haven't bathed in a good three months, he's beginning to smell.
I miss you all. The rails really make you think about what means most to you. I've been thinking a lot about beef jerky. | | |
| I realize most people now find this sort of thing "obsolete", but I find something very comforting about my "online posts" to you all, so I figured I'd "update". I got back in touch with an old friend of mine- Hamph. And he's doing well. He recently inherited a large collection of ceramic walruses from his Uncle Ruth, and seeing as I'm an avid fan or porcelain pinnipeds, he was ever so kind as to call me right up. I must say, it is a very impressive collection. As for myself, Rumplestiltskin and I will be moving next year, to explore the great city of Uzhhorod; a village in the Ukraine, where I will eat a lot of borsch. Rumples, however, is allergic to beets (that was a messy discovery, mind you), so he will not be eating borsch. Maybe ribs instead. Now, though, I'm wondering what you all have been up to. I'm as anxious as a bumble bee to find out about the happenings in your lives. But first, if you'll excuse me, I must tend to other things. My raisins won't wrinkle themselves, you know! Enjoy! | | |
| Well wrap me up and call me Sally!
I am finally writing to you all once again. But you see, the delay is not my fault- I, like many other people, just don't believe in computers during the whole of October.
It's not like you've missed much. Life has been pretty taupe around here lately. I did get a job, however, which is just perfect for me. I've been employed as a senior citizen wrangler at a place called Elderly Arms Retirement Home for the Elderly Elders. I'm in charge of many duties that include serving food, cleaning up mysterious messes, and wrangling of course, but my favorite task is arranging the entertainment for the residents. I think I can really broaden their horizons, despite their immense proximity to that horizon. I've brought in guests like my friend Nervin the Magnificent, who juggled cats for an hour and a half; Boosley, who told dirty jokes, that is, if you could understand him through the grunts, gurgles, and drunken groans; and Hellen, who decided to tell everyone her fun stories of being an assassin in Belize. In short, I am as excited for this venture as a chipmunk is for Boxing Day!
Don't talk to crazies! | | |
| My, my, my! Life has certainly been full of adventure lately.
As I get closer to all my friends here at my new "pad", I have found myself doing a lot more daring things. For instance, last week, I accompanied two of my new chums, Boris and Gerdbloom, on a trip to Pants City, Iowa. Who, coincidentally, is the country's capital for mutton busting. We had a swell time at the local diners and campsites, where we listened to Gerbloom play songs on his guitar and watched Boris climb a mountain. I must say I enjoy my new pals. I think they're swell. Of course, I'll always have a place in my heart for all my tried and true friends, as I'll always need an audience to pitch new ideas to. Which leads me to this: I've been thinking about opening a roadside beard-trimming stand. I was noticing Gerdbloom's facial hair on our trip, and I'm sure that if there was a stand where he could get a quick trim, he would've taken advantage of it. Plus, trimming so many different beards would surely give me an appreciation for the diversity of hairy people everywhere. All I need now is a razor and a good spot on Highway 9. Maybe I'll see if Randolph the bum will share his hitch-hiking space with me. | | |
| Why, hello!
No, I haven't left you for good. My move has been a little more jam-packed than anticipated, but I'm finally settled. Currently, I'm eating a delicious lunch of mayonaise and soda with my squirrel, Tim, and my tiny tiny horse, Willy. But those aren't the only friends I've made here! I happen to live in what the kids would call a "hip and happening" place. People from all over gather here just to socialize, and I admit, I've taken advantage of that. I have many friends like Carl, who is a doctor from Detroit; Herf, an out of work actor who also models hats; and Gerdbloom, who I'm never sure if they're completely concious or not- in other words, it's thrilling. Other than that, nothing much has happened, save this past Monday, when I performed my chicken-juggling routine at the Lions club. Unfortunately, the Lions club isn't actually composed of lions. They're really elderly men in vests, which almost ruined my finale. But, I'm afraid I must take my leave, as I have a Treasure Hunters Club meeting at three. I'll leave you with this: to quote a great elderly man who I thought was a lion, "Salsbury steak gives me the runs." | | |
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